I have finally decided to take the plunge. Last night I upgraded my Vista desktop machine to Windows XP, and this afternoon I will be doing the same to my laptop. Read the rest of this entry »

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad News, the donkey died.’
Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’
The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’

Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’
The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’
The farmer said You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’
Chuck said, ‘Sure I can Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’ Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.’
The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’
Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’

Chuck now works for the Goldman Sachs.

THE government is to invest £500bn of your money in British banks so they can lend it back to you with interest.

‘I got confused’
The historic move is being hailed as a lifeline for the financial system as long as nobody asks too many questions.

Julian Cook, chief economist at Corbett and Barker, said: “The government will give your money to the banks so the banks can start lending you that money, probably at around 7% APR.

“Thanks to all the interest you’re paying on your own money, the banks will make billions of pounds again and normality will be restored.
“After a few years of this the government will cash in the bank shares it bought with your money and use the profits to build a huge f*cking dome somewhere.”

He added: “In case you hadn’t already worked it out – the entire global financial system is predicated on the assumption that you’re an idiot.

Read the rest of this entry »

NEW YORK—Millions of eyewitnesses watched in stunned horror Tuesday as light emptied from the sky, plunging the U.S. and neighboring countries into darkness. As the hours progressed, conditions only worsened.

At approximately 4:20 p.m. EST, the sun began to lower from its position in the sky in a westward trajectory, eventually disappearing below the horizon. Reports of this global emergency continued to file in from across the continent until 5:46 p.m. PST, when the entire North American mainland was officially declared dark.

As the phenomenon hit New York, millions of motorists were forced to use their headlights to navigate through the blackness. Highways flooded with commuters who had left work to hurry home to their families. Traffic was bottlenecked for more than two hours in many major metropolitan areas.

Across the country, buses and trains are operating on limited schedules and will cease operation shortly after 12 a.m. EST, leaving hundreds of thousands of commuters in outlying areas effectively stranded in their homes.

Despite the high potential for danger and decreased visibility, scientists say they are unable to do anything to restore light to the continent at this time. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Citizens of America,
In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next. Read the rest of this entry »

For anyone that owns a Computer pretty much constantly the issue of Unsolicited Email or SPAM, as it known will arise. The first question usually asked is “How do I get rid of it?” closely followed by “Why do they do it?”

Here’s the answer to both. (Not that either will satisfy, but hey-ho). Read the rest of this entry »

Two things every PC user needs, Firewall and Anti Virus (AV). Buy a PC and the chances are that it will be bundled with a 30 day trial of Norton or McAfee Anti Virus and Firewall or such like. You will also get Windows Firewall on the XP and Vista operating systems.

Sounds good except that the Windows Firewall is rather paranoid far too unwieldy and restrictive and when your AV free trials time out you suddenly find yourself having to pay subscription fees via Credit Card to a faceless corporate entity or loose all the AV protection that you have had at a single stroke. Nice eh.

Their is another way!

The Personal Computer has come a long way from the Apple 1, the BBC Micro & the legendary ZX Spectrum. Were a demanding lot and now nothing less than a compact Laptop that can run a Business, Iron the washing and feed the kids to boot will do.

Computing in the Home & Office has been nothing short of a revolution in the last 10 years. Consider the fact that we no longer have to hand write letters or have a secretary skilled in touch typing & a chunky typewriter in order to converse in ink.

Nor do we need a slide rule & an A3 sheet of graph paper to sum up the next quarters projected sales.

Computers have given us so much flexibility that is taken for granted, that it’s easy to underestimate their impact over the last decade or two.

That is until we come to pay for the software that powers this Castro-esque revolution! And that’s were it all gets a bit tricky….

I’ve included a link to the Donkey Sanctuary in Devon. It’s a local charity so it’s bound to feature but it’s also an important one in a way that we may not all immediately recognise.